After I was made redundant, I started a spreadsheet to keep track of my job applications. I gave it nice colour coding. Green for interview, amber for waiting, red for no. By month five it looked like a crime scene. There were 143 applications and six interviews. One company turned me down in four minutes, […]
I was best man at my oldest friend's wedding. I stood up in front of 120 people, unfolded my notes, and my brain simply left the building. I don't know how long it lasted. My sister says 40 seconds, which is a very long time to look at a room in silence. I read the […]
I failed GCSE maths at 16, again at 17, and again at 29 when I needed it for a job I didn't end up getting. After the third time I gave up and started saying "I'm just not a numbers person" in a jokey voice, as if I'd chosen it. At 41 I was helping […]
The coach read out the squad in the car park, in front of everyone's parents, in alphabetical order. My surname starts with Y, so I stood there for the whole list, working out that I wasn't on it a long time before it finished. I'd played for that team for six years. Football was the […]
I opened a café with my redundancy money and a very strong opinion about banana bread. Eleven months later I was selling the coffee machine at a loss to a man who kept calling it "a bit dated". I did all the things you're told not to do. I picked the unit because I liked […]
I passed my driving test on my eighth attempt, aged 34. I'd like to tell you the first seven were close, but on the third one the examiner ended it after nine minutes. Everyone has advice when you keep failing. Have a banana. Take a beta blocker. Book it for 10am, not 2pm. My mum […]
The first time I ran a 5k with my local club I finished behind a woman pushing a double buggy and a man who stopped to take a phone call. I know he stopped because I overtook him, and then he overtook me back. I was 46, about four stone heavier than I'd told my […]