The Rejection Spreadsheet

After I was made redundant, I started a spreadsheet to keep track of my job applications. I gave it nice colour coding. Green for interview, amber for waiting, red for no. By month five it looked like a crime scene.

There were 143 applications and six interviews. One company turned me down in four minutes, which I still respect. Another invited me to three rounds, gave me a task that took a whole weekend, and then stopped answering emails altogether.

I stopped telling my mates how it was going, and started leaving the house at normal times so the neighbours wouldn't work it out. I honestly don't know why I cared what the neighbours thought. I've never spoken to them.

Around application 90 I stopped being able to write the words "I am excited to apply". I'd sit at the table in my work shirt, for no reason, staring at them.

What finally got me out wasn't a clever trick. My old colleague rang about something else, heard my voice, and made me say the real number out loud. Then she passed my name to someone she knew. That was number 144, and it's the job I've got now.

I kept the spreadsheet. When friends get laid off I send them the blank template, and tell them to ring me before they get to the red.

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